i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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