My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
