all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.