When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
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I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.