Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.