I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos