so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize