Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I need a shot of tequila, and quick death

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(560): View more from

I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?

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(973): View more from New Jersey

you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.

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(718): View more from New York

The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.

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19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Read it at the TFLN blog
(303): View more from Colorado

My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.

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(214): View more from Texas

I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests

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(310): View more from California

so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.

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(309): View more from Illinois

Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself

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(937): View more from Ohio

How exactly does a handjob become fancy?

(304): View more from West Virginia

Blueberry lube, and champagne.

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