If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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