We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
