She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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