4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
