The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
