So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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