Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
