he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
