I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
