I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
