you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You know, be my cock's hype man.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
