i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
someone owes me an orgasm
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
