You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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