I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
