U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
