it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Randomize
