i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
