A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
