I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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