You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
