It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
