my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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