i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
