I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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