On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
