she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
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