He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
