That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
