The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you would pick up someone in the library
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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