dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i think i have two assholes
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
