i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
