I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
