Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
