I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
