Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
