I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
