So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
