i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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