Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
