Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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