It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
40s are totally the cure
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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