Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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