you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
