Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
