your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
