WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
