Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
