Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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