Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
