its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
