paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
