she was so not down for the gang bang
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
