i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
