I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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