The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
