His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
