he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
