I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
