wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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